Weekend logistics for Skyway dwellers, halfway mark reached – Days 6 & 7 – Two weeks in the Minneapolis Skyway
If this is your first “Two weeks in the Skyway” post, you might like to start here.
Weekend logistics: Weekends can be tricky in the Skyway. Generally, the Skyway system keeps uniform opening hours: 6:30am to 10pm on weekdays, 9:30am to 8pm Saturdays and noon to 6pm on Sundays. But there’s a bunch of sections that deviate from this schedule, sometimes in critical places like the quickest way between my building and the liquor store. (I’m talking about you Medical Arts Building) And even that somewhat generous 10pm closing on weekdays can burn you if you lose track of time, say, at Bradstreet and it suddenly dawns on you that you have 12 minutes to pay the bill and jog through eight buildings after five cocktails, so you’re not stranded in nothing but a t-shirt several block from home in February. This may or may not have happened to me.
Breakfast fail: Saturdays aren’t usually a problem, but for the most part I don’t plan ambitious outings in the Skyway on Sundays. Unfortunately, I temporarily blanked on this sage wisdom yesterday as I ravenously charged out for a hard-earned plate of huevos rancheros at Hell’s Kitchen. Except I neglected to note that it was only 10:30, so I was more than a little peeved at myself and various anonymous decision-makers when the very first door I came upon was, of course, locked. I am always exquisitely prepared to make my own, world famous omelets at home, so I didn’t go hungry, but consarnit, I wanted effing huevos rancheros.
America’s Got Talent auditions: Ultimately, my only significant outing over the weekend was to the Minneapolis Convention Center to absorb the extraordinary sociological spectacle that was the America’s Got Talent auditions. When I arrived at noon on Saturday, almost 500 acts had already checked in and the wait time, from arrival to audition, was five to six hours. I wasn’t allowed to observe the auditions themselves, but I wandered freely amongst all the staging and holding areas, including the airplane hanger-sized Exhibition Hall B and a number of conference rooms. The sheer wait time, the interminable herding from room to room, filling out a variety of forms the entire way, seemed prohibitively defeating. How any of those poor performers, bored, tired, with their blood-sugar levels bottoming out, had the strength to flip on the energy when they finally made it in front of the producers, I’ll never know.
Excrement encounter: I experienced a Skyway first on Saturday: dog shit. Not having to worry about stepping in animal waste is one of the countless perks of Skyway life. But the world is full of inconsiderate asshats and thwarting their incessant efforts to screw things up for everyone else can only go so far. As such, at some stage Saturday morning, one of the metro area’s F*ckwit All Stars took their dog on a walk in the Skyway and the dog, having absorbed its owner’s lack of basic civility, took a dump in the Orchestra Hall Ramp section of the Skyway and both continued on their merry way without considering that maybe, just maybe, leaving a pile of dog shit in the Skyway might inconvenience others. By the time I passed the scene at least one person had already stepped in it and used the next three feet of carpet to skid-clean their shoe. Bravo, f*ckwit.
Halfway point reached: Last night marked the half way point of the two week Skyway confinement test. I’d love to ramp up the suspense here and say how difficult it’s been and I don’t know how much longer I can last, but quite frankly, what with last week’s weather, the first week was not only a breeze, but it was an absolute joy. Communication with people on the outside has largely confirmed that my Skyway confinement is more a privilege than hardship. Apart from a few missed social opportunities and my huevos rancheros, I have nothing to complain about.
