Transporting massive quantities of cider, Keys Cafe – Day 5 – Two weeks in the Minneapolis Skyway

If this is your first “Two weeks in the Skyway” post, you might like to start here.

Key’s Café: I’m fairly certain that the recipe for the Everything Omelet served at Key’s Café in the Foshay Tower (Skyway entrance through the W Hotel lobby) was devised by a 120 year old shaman. There’s no other way to explain the mystical, restorative properties of this meal. I have staged many hangover recoveries while hunch over this omelet, doused in unholy amounts of Tabasco, naturally. It’s a monster, occasionally too big even for my unusually elastic stomach to accommodate. In fact, for about a year I was convinced that Key’s was playing one very long, clever practical joke on me, because every time I was served an Everything Omelet it was just a little bit larger than the last time. I imagined the kitchen staff cracking open the door and peering through, five sets of eyes vertically lined up, watching while I ate, anxious to see if the attractive wino would be able to finish off their latest effort. Then, defeated, making careful notes for a fractionally larger omelet the next time.

Well, the practical joke seems to have lost steam, because the omelet I was served on Friday was only ridiculous in size, rather than inhumane. Perhaps it was simply getting too expensive to keep serving me a $11.50 omelet that was costing them $54 in ingredients and labor.

How to transport massive quantities of cider through the Skyway: Soon after I moved into my Skyway-connected condo, I learned that buying Strongbow from Haskell’s by the case was rewarded with a slight discount. When you have the same kind of pathological love for a drink as I do, even a slight discount ends up being significant money at the end of the year. However, there was the not insignificant problem of transporting this quantity of Strongbow back to my condo. It takes exceptional effort to draw special attention to oneself amongst the low-level cabaret of weirdness that’s typically transpiring in the Skyway, but hauling six 4-packs of Strongbow tall cans, still in the case, through eight buildings during business hours does the trick quite handily.

Not only was this tactic awkward and exhausting, but the longing stares from people with office jobs, watching an euphoric, self-employed, Strongbow-laden guy who had clearly rewarded himself with a half-day, were a little much. Being a slow learner, I put myself through this indignity two or three times before I finally realized that I could cut the case open while still in Haskell’s and distribute the 4-packs into my backpack and a canvas bag. This was far easier to carry and (comparatively) less conspicuous.

Being that Haskell’s was fresh out of tall cans of Strongbow when I visited on Monday, I returned yesterday, fortifying my Foursquare mayorship, to raid the stock from their Thursday delivery (yes, I know their delivery schedule). Now there’ll be no risk of me doing without my sweet, sweet, life-giving nectar for the remainder of my Skyway confinement. And, for you shoppers at the downtown Haskell’s who find yourselves staring at an empty shelf where the tall cans of Strongbow should be over the next week, I apologize.

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Two weeks in the Skyway | 22.01.2011 11:18 | 2 Comments

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