Live blogging – Escape from Minneapolis via Blackberry

8:00 – Wake up. Remember that I’m going to San Francisco today. Get happy.

8:07 – Learn that criminal weather misinformation spread by Paul Doulas is going to screw me yet again. Ungodly weather forecast for Wed has arrived a day early. Sub-zero wind chill and snow expected before 2:35 take-off

8:22 – Coffee (1st cup). Give up trying to find true weather outlook between conflicting forecasts all over the net. Realize that combo of weather and Northwest on-time departure record virtually guarantees flight delay.

8:32 – Sign up for NW flight status email alert for my flight.

9:00 – Start packing.

9:57 – Finish both packing and 2nd cup of coffee. Eat apple. Figure out I can blog from my *@?#ing awesome Blackberry. Resolve to liveblog Minneapolis exit.

9:58 – Consider that liveblogging departure with weather and NW reliability factored together all but guarantees flight delay/cancellation debacle. Decide to go forward anyway – for the fans.

11:20 – Eat pre-flight omelet (ham, onion, tomato, mushroom, cheese, extra spicy).

12:00 – Agonize over which jacket to wear. It’s zero here, 55 in SF. Decide to layer long shirt, fleece and light jacket. Only alternative is parka that looks ridiculous, evenin Mpls. Hood flaps so wide, strong gust gives me six inches of air.

12:15 – Leave. Walk four blocks to Government Center LRT station. Miss train by 30 seconds. Curse in four languages while waiting for next train.

12:23 – Get on train. See that EDGE service is dead. Can’t blog. T-Mobile coverage in downtown Mpls sucks so much ass. Curse more. Everyone but deaf old lady clears 10 foot circle around me.

12:50 – Arrive at airport. Having checked in online, step to auto baggage check desk. Wait one minute. Check bag in two minutes. Go to security.

12:53 – Step up to security line. No waiting. Stand in disbelief. Pinch self liberally. Am invited by guy behind me to move my ass. Get through security in under two minutes. Conclude that I haven’t gotten through U.S. security that fast since 1988.

1:04 – Arrive at gate. See that flight is delayed by 25 minutes. Listen to very familiar lie by NW agent that it’s Air Traffic Control’s (ATC) fault.

1:20 – Still using *@?#ing awesome Blackberry, confirm on two web sites that SFO is experiencing 15-25 minute delays. Blame gate agent anyway for form’s sake.

1:47 – NW announces that we are now delayed an hour. Still blaming ATC. Cue NW ass covering.

1:58 – Listen to loud business traveler call seven friends and associates to announce our late flight. Keeps telling people he’s in Detroit, not Mpls.

2:05 – Using laptop, try old WiFi hack to bypass stupid concourse pay net service and get free WiFi. Hack no longer works.

2:07 – Man with throat clearing tic and severe nasal congestion sits next to me. Begins bodily function cabaret.

2:15 – Try to find the motivation to work on high paying article. Fail. Continue online detective work using Blackberry to collect evidence that NW is lying to us. Start planning revolution.

2:34 – Write seven words for high paying article (893 words to go!). Reward self by switching to answering personal emails offline.

2:57 – Things are starting to happen that suggest that we might be getting on the plane soon. Too good to be true? Leaving one hour late on domestic flights these days is like leaving on time. Online evidence suggests that the NW agents are telling the truth about ground delays in SF. Start considering that multi-agency conspiracy may be in effect.

3:04 – Air marshal just escorted a shackled prisoner onto the plane. Yay? Now slow people are being invited to board. Usual hoard of idiots crowd the gate, impeding boarding.

3:10 – NW invites whole plane to board at once. Chaos ensues. I’m not moving from my chair. It’s 2 degrees on the jetway.

3:21 – In seat. Not convinced we’re actually leaving yet. Read in-flight mag. Note editor’s name for future email sleuthing and unsolicited pitching.

3:23 – Sitting next to Chinese mother/daughter team. No English. Both enthusiastically snapping gum. Why never a cute girl? Sat next to a cute girl once on a flight to Norway in 1990. Never since.

3:25 – We’re leaving! See you in a week suckers!

Postscript – Why am I such a dupe sometimes? Of course we didn’t leave. They rushed us onto the plane made us switch off all our blogging devices and then left us to marinate for another 30 minutes. I’m too trusting, when I’m not too bitter and jaded.

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Uncategorizable | 29.01.2008 13:20 | 2 Comments

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